I didn't want to go
by eftee
Summary: He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t think. He could feel his heart racing painfully in his chest as he struggled to make sense of the world. But the world didn’t make sense. Sasuke wasn’t in it. Sasuke was gone. SasuNaru. Character death.


**Note: **So um. This is what happens when your hormones are on a rampage while listening to _Almost Lover _by A Fine Frenzy and _Goodbye My Lover _by James Blunt. I suggest listening to either of those songs _while _reading this. It really sets the mood. I was literally in tears just from listening to the songs and almost cried myself a river while writing this. I have never wanted to cry when writing angst before. But this did it.

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**i didn't want to go**

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Uchiha Sasuke was a shinobi of Konoha; a soldier of Fire Country; the last survivor of the Uchiha Clan; Jounin; a teacher of three Genin students.

He was also the lover of Uzumaki Naruto. He was Naruto's best friend. He was Naruto's rival. He was Naruto's everything.

He was sent to fight in the war against Sound and Rain.

He was supposed to come home today.

But instead, he had to stand and watch, completely detached from reality – from Naruto's world – as Sakura and Sai came to Naruto's home to tell him the news.

To tell him that his lover wasn't coming home today, or tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow.

To tell him that Sasuke was never coming home.

"It's not _true," _he heard Naruto whisper. He heard the tears before they came. He heard the tell-tale signs of the blond's heart breaking. He watched as Naruto fell apart in front of him. He watched as Naruto crumbled to the ground, wailing in grief while Sakura fell down with him, Naruto clinging to her like she was the only thing holding him there. "No, no, _no… _Not him… Not S'uke…"

And she rocked him and smoothed his hair back, tears coming from her own eyes as she tried her hardest to remain strong for her teammate and friend, her brother.

"_I'm right here, Naruto," _Sasuke said, kneeling next to Sakura and Naruto, wishing he could hold his lover one more time; wishing he could wipe the tears away; wishing he could make Naruto's pain go away. But he could never do any of those things anymore. He was _dead _and there was just no way for the dead to be apart of the living. Only in memory. Only in heart. But Sasuke didn't want to be _just _a memory. He wanted to be with Naruto, damn it. He didn't want to be dead. He hadn't wanted to die when he did and the Gods knew he tried so hard to cling to the waking world…Tried so hard…

It just wasn't _fair._

He loved Naruto _so much _and he wanted to be with him. He didn't want to watch from afar as Naruto moved on _without him. _Maybe he was being selfish, but he wasn't ready to let go of the life he _had _before it was _taken away, _like everything else.

"Give him back, give him back, _give him back to me," _Naruto groaned, hiccupping as he buried his face in Sakura's vest. He was heaving and trembling, his fingers digging through the medic's vest. He couldn't _breathe._ He couldn't think. He could feel his heart racing painfully in his chest as he struggled to make sense of the world. But the world _didn't _make sense. Sasuke wasn't in it. Sasuke was gone. Sasuke was _dead. _"Oh _Gods no…" _Sasuke. Sasuke. Sasuke.

"_I'm so sorry, Naruto." _Sasuke could feel his _soul _hurting. It was just too painful seeing Naruto like this. If only he had been stronger. If only… _"I didn't want to leave you."_

Uchiha Sasuke was a cheated man. He was a man robbed of happiness. Of Life. Of Naruto. Of everything he never realized he wanted, needed.

"I _love _him, Sakura-chan," Naruto sobbed, and all the pink-haired medic could do was stare at him sadly. "I love him so, so much…"

I love you too, Naruto.

"I can't… I can't go on without him… It hurts…" Naruto gasped, his sobs making it harder for him to breathe.

"You have to, Naruto," Sakura said, her voice firm despite her own tears.

"I don't _want _to…"

I don't want you to either, Naruto. But she's right… No matter how much it hurts…

"I feel so empty... I need him… Give him back…"

I'll always be here, Naruto. Right here.

Sai crouched down and embraced both Sakura and Naruto. He hadn't been as close to Sasuke as the other two, but he understood the own pain in his heart. He understood they were both suffering, Naruto most of all. It felt like hours before Naruto asked to be alone. Sakura and Sai seemed reluctant to do so, but Sai eventually took a hold of Sakura's hand to guide her out of Naruto's apartment, the door closing shut after them. Naruto was sitting down, leaning back against the wall with a vacant expression on his face. Sasuke was sitting across from him. He'd be near enough where, if he were still alive, he'd be able to feel the warmth radiating from Naruto. But he only felt a cold hollowness.

And then the tears started to fall from Naruto's eyes again. Slowly but surely.

"Why'd you have to go?" Naruto asked, his voice cracking. He imagined Sasuke was sitting across from him. "You bastard."

Hn.

Sasuke maneuvered himself so his hands were pressed against the wall on either side of Naruto's head. He pressed his forehead to Naruto's, and he recalled being able to feel Naruto's skin against his. Once upon a time when he had a living body. He recalled being able to feel the rough structure of the whiskered marks when he traced them with the tips of his fingers like he was doing then. He recalled the warm wetness of tears when he'd wipe them from Naruto's cheeks. He recalled being able to loom over Naruto like he was doing and being able to tilt his head just ever so slightly so their lips would touch…

Sasuke cursed the Gods, because he could do all that, and not feel anything, and he knew over time that he would forget what touching Naruto felt like. He would forget what living felt like. He didn't want to forget, no matter how painful the memories. But at least he knew he would never forget loving Naruto. That would never be taken from him. Ever.

He bowed his head further so his face was buried at the crook of Naruto's neck.

Naruto would go on living without Sasuke, and Sasuke would go on watching Naruto from afar. That was how it was going to be. That was how it had to be.

"Bastard…"

Naruto had fallen asleep with his head bowed forward, fresh tears still staining his cheeks. Sasuke stayed as he was, wishing he could hold Naruto and feel him.

Dobe.

I'm right here, okay? I won't leave you again.

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_I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow._

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End file.
